pain-from-the-inside:

Too much self hate

pain-from-the-inside:

Too much self hate


or perhaps I cannot…… what the fuck is wrong with me…………………. ALSO my mum had the discussion with my last evening that she AND a number of family friends present @ our Passover ceder think I have bipolar disorder….. shit….


Ok. By CHOICE it’s been 5 days of no bunging or purging….. Going to the parents house tonight …. I CAN do this ….


3 days…. .all with opportunities……should ibe proud?perhaps….. I alsochew and spat though… ugggggggggggggggggg……. but I pooped today. small things…. god I am pathetic…

on the bright side its the first time in……….3 and a half??? years that ive weighed in for TWO consecutive days at under 140……….. again……. pathetic


I want to be normal ….. It’s been 48 hrs of success ….. Can I keep it up????

Is success mean its ok to chew spit “we’ll” vs chew spit puke ? Or hew sit gain ? Shit…..

And I know it’s also bad that I want to see the 130 s…… Only like 5 more but I’ve been here forever !!


9413) This disorder is making a grumpy bitch. I hate the person it’s turning me into.


Lets make today a GOOD day…… Please???


Addie is so freaking effective at stopping my binge slash purge thoughts ….. I uggggggh


Fuckl… I hate being so messed
Up….. It’s totally NOT ok …


I suck

Bf lost his job. Is around ALL the time now!!! Now I’m fully into the chew - spit - attempt to puke if possible phase…….I LITERALLY have been trough EVERY form of this disease by now…. And that is NOT a good thing …….